I know that so many can relate to feeling defeated, drained, and wanting to give up throughout the course of this year. This post is for you… ♡ Like the past 2 years, this year flew by before my eyes. I still can’t believe it’s ending… and like the end of many other years, my self-reflection is at its highest, especially with the new year approaching. This year brought so much to me, experiences that were both difficult and beautiful. There were many times where I felt on top of the world and there were just as many times as I felt beneath it. There were many points in my journey during this year where I kept going in circles and hitting dead ends, and with those experiences I gained a heightened self-awareness of what I was doing wrong and the changes that needed to be made in order to stop running into the same dead ends – with others, myself, and most importantly my life.
One major thing that stood out to me during my reflections in the last few months was how much I sacrificed myself for the sake of others, how sparse my boundaries are, and how easy it was for me to put myself last at the expense of being a “good person”. But what makes someone a good person? Is it giving, is it being selfless?
When we think of being a good person, we often measure that as how much we do for others and how good we are to them. But why? We fall into this currency system where we believe that we have to pay for our worth by giving ourselves to others. When we give ourselves to others in unhealthy ways, we usually don’t get change back. At times, even this doesn’t stop us from giving, and eventually this results in debt… self-debt and emotional debt. Unlike paper currency, replenishing ourselves isn’t as attainable. We can’t get a job, work, and then earn back our energy, worth, and the pieces of ourselves that we lost in exchanges with others. Unfortunately, it’s not that simple, but what I have learned is that if you can’t give without putting yourself in debt, then it’s best not to give at all.
For many of us, on the other side of prioritizing ourselves is fear and doubt. Self-prioritizing can be a scary feeling – so many thoughts come up. “What about this person?… Am I being selfish?… Do I deserve this?… What will others think?” However, the most important question is “Am I compromising my emotional well-being for the sake of others?” That self-awareness can expose many other areas in your life that you may not be ready to address. Facing this awareness head on can be grueling, but it’s so worth it. Being aware of where you fall short in your relationship with yourself is crucial, because this influences your relationships with others and is the foundation to your life.
I know firsthand that taking these steps is easier said than done. It took me being at my lowest point to inspire me to want more for myself and fight for myself, but before you get to that point and to avoid getting to that point, I encourage you to take a look at yourself. Reflect. Set an intention and goals. Think about what drives you, what’s standing in your way, and most of all what can best help you navigate your journey into this new year? This year taught me how to put myself first and to show up for myself in the same way I show up for others. At the end of 2022, I decided to not let fear be my compass. I hope that you do the same.
If you are ready to pay down your emotional debt and re-examine the importance of boundaries in your life, reach out to schedule with me before the end of the year.
With love,
Kamilah
